The Impressionist
by zippityduda
Summary: Life is boring at Central. Mustang and Havoc make a bet. Trouble ensues. I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or any of the characters. And I've never watched "Dawson's Creek", "OC", "General Hospital", or any of those Soap Operas. Rated K for language.
1. Chapter 1

The day was slow at HQ. There were no leads on Scars where abouts, no new orders from Central, no Elric brothers to keep the heat going, nothing. It was, indeed, a long, slow day. The same however, could not be said about Col. Roy Mustang and 2nd Lt. Jean Havoc, in deep philosophical discussion.

"C'mon, Colonel. You can't seriously mean that. Besides, I'm considered a ladies man myself."

Mustang scoffed. "Well, guess who has a date tonight at 9:00 while the other stays at headquarters on guard duty."

Havoc fumed. "Yeah, well, you probably payed her to date you. Seriously, who'd want to date you for who you are? Charisma? Please. If anything, it's your money girls like you for."

Mustang grew equally tempered. "Hey, at least I have money!"

"And I have a girl that likes me for who I am!!"

Just then, 1nd Lt. Hawkeye walked in. "Don't you two have any work? Like locating Scar perhaps?" They both relaxed a little.

"She's right," Havoc said. "We do have better things to do." Mustang nodded in concurrence. No matter how much he didn't want to admit it, there was work to be done.

Suddenly, a flash of brilliance came into Mustang's mind. Or at least, it seemed like a flash of brilliance; you can't really tell the difference of genius and pompousness with him. At any rate, something flashed into his mind and he grabbed Havoc.

"Ah-- Hey, what the hell?!"

"Shhhhhhhhhhh!" Mustang whispered into his ear. "We both want to prove whose the better impressionist on women, so let's have a bet. We both do what ever it takes to impress a single woman and who ever she ends up with wins. Loser has to stay on guard duty for a week."

"Wait, a contest to see who the better impressionist is? Who's the girl?"

Mustang sneak his gaze over to Riza, who was making a phone call to... Who knows who?

Havoc followed his gaze to Hawkeye and gapped. "Oh, no. If she found out, she would kill us! Besides, she's harder to impress than the a mule!"

"Which makes her a perfect candidate!" The Col. replied. "Besides, what do you have to lose?"

"My girlfriend, that's for sure," Havoc spoke out nervously.

"Come on, 2nd Lt. She'll never know! Besides, you want to prove something to her, right?" Mustang held out his hand. "Is it a deal?"

For once in his life, Havoc thought over this situation, pondering everything that could go wrong, all the outcomes, the leads, the flaws. Finally, "So, Betty will never know..."

"Never."

"And Riza isn't going to find out..."

"Not a chance."

"Alright." Havoc took in a deep breathe and announced, "It's a deal." He placed his hand in the Colonel's and shook it vigorously.

"Then," Mustang began, "Let the games BEGIN!"

Suddenly, Riza appeared right behind them. "What are you talking about?" she inquired.

They both jump to the ceiling. "Uh--- Nothing! W-w-w-ee came to an agreement."

"Well, that's good to hear. Now please, get back to work."

_ Wait, _Havoc thought to himself, _she only says please when she has her hand on her g-g-gu-- _"Right away, 1st Lt.!" he said trying not to let his voice shake.

_ Oh, yeah, _Mustang thought to himself. _This is going to be easy._


	2. Chapter 2

_(Alright. Now, where were we. Oh, yeah. Roy and Havoc made a bet to see how could impress Riza Hawkeye the most. Knowing Riza Hawkeye, however, they're in for some trouble. Like big trouble... Like, Kim Bauer trouble.... like 'Please-stop-pointing-that-in-my-face' trouble. You get the picture. By the way, Full Metal Alchemist is property of Hiromu Arakawa. I do not own any of these characters. Please don't sue me for not holding any copyrights.)_

Jean Havoc appeared earlier this morning. He was intent on winning this competition, and he would pay through the nose to win. He would even lose five hours of sleep to do it. Quietly, so as not to disturb the residence, he unlocked the door. He held his breathe as a deafening (perspectively) click of the unlocking door. When he saw that it had not disturbed anyone else, he let out an deep exhale. Softly closing the door, he made his way through the dark to Hawkeye's office.

At first, he had trouble locating the key, what it being 3:00 AM. "Damn it, where are you?" He continued swearing and mouthing cusses until the key seemed to magically appear on the keyring. "Yes! Take that, Colonel!!" He gently took the delicate 2,000 cenz rose he bought that night. Unfortunately, for him, someone else had been there as well.

When he entered the room, he was sure that this was the way to win this contest... Until he saw a looming bouquet of roses, vase and all, estimating at a price of 40,000 cenz altogether. On it was a large card that said, "From Mustang" in graceful letters. A big card to match his big ego. Placing his rose on the desk, his spirit sank into the midst of the fog of failure. Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him. He quickly reached for his Smith and Wesson. When he turned around, barrel pointing straight at his adversary, he felt an outrage far worse than anyone could describe. The intruder was none other than--

"Roy!?"

Mustang looked with equal dismay. "Jean!?"

"What the hell are you doing in here?"

"Maybe I should ask the same thing! Damn it, Havoc!! You shouldn't snoop around headquarters!! You could get caught!"

"Oh yeah? What about you!?"

"I, on the other hand, have a reason for being here!" Mustang remarked. "I left an important research file and had to come back here. So after my date, I simply walked in."

Havoc was unconvinced. "Uh huh, and you conveniently left a 40,000 cenz rose arrangement. Yeah."

"H-hey! You were here too!!" Mustang replied defensively. "What makes you think--"

Havoc interrupted. "Shhhhhhhh!!" There were footsteps in the hall. "Hear that?"

Mustang closed his mouth. "Unwelcome guests. Well, they're more than welcome to my flames."

"Ah, cut the monologuing!" Havoc rasped in a low whisper. The two of them silently went into the hall way as they prepared at both sides for an attack. They closed the door behind them and looked into the dimly moonlit hallway, preparing for the worst. They saw a long shadow, then the barrel of the gun, then finally... Lieutenant Hawkeye.

"Oh, Hawkeye," Mustang nervously began. "It's y--"

"ID number, NOW!!"

Mustang hesitated. "Lt. You--"

"I said NOW!"

"1-5-7-Charlie-Foxtrot-3-3-Oscar-9!!"

"You too!!"

"Alpha-Echo-6-4-3-7-Yankee-1-Delta!!" Then he heard a click. He assumed Hawkeye unarmed herself. "Now you!"

"0-5-Lima-7-4-Tango-Victor-9-2! Mustang, Havoc, what are you doing here?"

At this point, they were at a loss of words. Mustang stumbled. "I-I-I- we, uh..."

"We heard someone come in," Havoc butted in. "I was supposed to be relieved, but I didn't know what was taking Brenda so long."

Mustang continued, "And when he went to see where he was, someone must have sneaked with a stolen key. Well, I was just coming back from my date and I noticed Havoc wandering-- er searching.. for Fury-- er Brenda!"

"Yeah, so that was about the time we heard someone inside, and we went to see who it was, and that's when we met up with you."

No matter how convincing it sounded, Hawkeye looked unsure. "Well, we should scout the building, just to be sure." Mustang led the way with a small, lit piece of paper. Then, the trio walked up the stairs.

* * *

Mustang walked down the hall, careful not to show any signs of sleepiness. It was unprofessional, stressing, weak. He kept his team together through his game face, and encouragement was the sign of a good leader. So, he went on, looking proud, but feeling horrible.

Just then, he noticed Hawkeye with his vase, walking right towards him. _Looks like a mission accomplished. Well done, Colonel. Well--_

"I believe these are yours, sir. Seriously, how could you leave a bouquet of flowers for your date on a desk. If you don't mind me saying, sir, it is a bit irresponsible."

Mustang's spirits had now sunk. _Composure, Colonel. Encouragement is the sign of a good leader._ "Of course Lieutenant. I was wondering where that went." He grabbed the vase and placed it in his arms.

"Oh, and you might want to give this to her, as well." She handed him Havoc's rose. "I'm not good at all with flower care." However, he thought he saw a little bit of color enter her face.

_WHAT!!?? She's blushing at his rose and not mine!? What the hell is going on!? No no no. Encouragement, Colonel. "_Yes, Lt."

Not knowing she was still blushing, she walked off and back into her office to prepare for work.

"It's on, Havoc." he said coolly to himself. "It is on."


End file.
